Donald Trump Proposes to Reintroduce Slavery

Donald Trump Proposes to Reintroduce Slavery in U.S.

In a breath-taking bold move, President Trump has proposed to resolve the long standing immigration debate by re-introducing slavery. 

“It’s an stroke of genius that no one else could have thought of” said the President when announcing the policy.  “It solves all our immigration problems”. 

“The slave program has the potential not only to solve illegal immigration but also to reduce the deficit” said the beaming President. 

The President says his inspiration was an alt-right blog post noting that the 13^th amendment did not really abolish slavery in the US, but rather confirms its use as a punishment for crimes. 

“My reaction was, I love it” crowed the President. 

Illegal immigrants would automatically be “enrolled” in the program when convicted, including people apprehended when crossing the border illegally (these people are currently returned to their point of origin and often then again attempt illegal entry, a long time grievance of Trump and his supporters).  

The new slaves will then be sold at public auction, with the proceeds going to the treasury. 

Children of illegal immigrants will automatically be considered to be illegal immigrants, who can then be convicted, perpetuating the slave line. 

“The system is a free enterprise solution to the problem of illegal immigrants and has the potential to increase international competiveness by lowering labour costs.” boasted the President.  

He expects the proposal to be positively received by the agriculture industry, which is disproportionally dependent on low wage illegal workers. 

Trump allowed that if demand for slaves is high, it may be wise to postpone building a wall on the Mexican border, as this could reduce the supply.  

The President went on to speculate on future expansion of the program to refugees and other people wishing to enter the US.

 “I would like people wishing to enter the United States, who cannot attain official immigrant status, to have the option of entering and working as slaves. We expect that refugees will be a major source of input for the new program, silencing liberal critics who say we are not doing our bit to resolve the world refugee problem.” The President predicted.

When asked if people would voluntarily become slaves Trump responded: 

“Instead of starving in refugee camps these huddled massed will be given the opportunity for productive work, a warm shack and as much gruel as they can eat. I’m tired of alt-liberal coddling of these people who lay about in refugee camps for free, expecting everything to be done for them. They’re as bad as Puerto Ricans. Besides, they’d be better off than my contractors. I don’t pay them either and I don’t even feed or house them.”. 

The President allowed that there may be legal challenges to expanding the program beyond felons, under the 13^th amendment, responding that: 

“The Constitution can be changed. What’s important in this country is money and loyalty to the flag, the military and me: especially me. The great American middle class can’t afford abstract principles like freedom, equality and the constitution” declared the President as he left the briefing.

T shirts and such at IvantheImp